Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
