last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I skipped work to stalk him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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