i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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