We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
