i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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