then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
