Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
