Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
