I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
