U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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