Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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