my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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