Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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