why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
