He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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