They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
