Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
