MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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