Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
