do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
