Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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