I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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