On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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