I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
