you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
