Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
