My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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