Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
