dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
