I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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