girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize