i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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