Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
