You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
