FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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