why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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