i think my mom watched the whole time
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
