Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
