where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
