The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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