dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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