1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
