Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just found puke in my bra..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
