is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
