No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
