I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
