k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
