I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
