apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
