just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
