He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
