i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
