Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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