it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
