It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
