you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
