Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
