I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
