Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
