i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
