swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
