Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
