I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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