I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
