i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
