since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
