So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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